I was NOT ready for January 2020. I’m a procrastinator, I’ll never truly be ready…and don’t dare rush me. It took a lot of focus for me to actually consolidate some journal entires to create this post. In numerology 2020 is a spiritual year for all of us. We’re all watching the world grow more in natural disasters. Hate and loss is all news outlets seem to promote. Mental illness is rising and become more apparent. Our government is questionable. For most of us, we work jobs we hate or don’t make enough. It seems we have more happiness on social media than our actual, everyday lives. There’s a desire to be seen, known and loved. “Woke” trend on the rise. Fake it till you make it mentality but social media is slowly beginning to expose us all. This is the first REAL post and now that I have a little time and experience on my side Ive finally found courage to post some things in hopes of being a guide and connecting with others. I’m terrified to share my journal entries and thoughts. I’m exposing the truth about who I am. All my dirty secrets and issues. I like that I’m scared. I like feeling like I have to do this. Vulnerability. I believe that when we’re open to vulnerability it gives us power to connect with each other in this space of truth and love. Becoming more vocal and free with my feelings is difficult. It makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes our personal truth can make other people uncomfortable too. This is a safe place but I’m not sorry if you become uncomfortable here.
Writing is truly a form of therapy for me. This is how I release the clutter and doubt in my mind. This is also how I manifest and speak words over my life. Over the past few years I’ve learnt a lot about holistic health, yoga and self awareness. People always ask “what do you write about?” Well, a lot of my writings are about my journey into spirituality, how to cleanse the body and elevate consciousness into a higher dimension of life experiences. I love learning about astrology and how to read planet placements. I’m into natural healing. Like, how to feed my soul, eat properly and breathing techniques that cleanse the mind. There’s a scientific order to our world. The matrix of life. In my reflecting over the past few years, I’ve noticed a pattern of unhealthy behaviors and habits. Maybe I’m not paying attention or I just don’t care. The same types of lessons and people keep coming back to me, as if I haven’t learned what I was supposed to from them. I recognize the generational curses. I’ve had plenty losses and mental breakdowns followed by major growth and physical change.
This transformation has not been easy. Its not something I set out to accomplish, it just happened. I reflect a lot and this is how it started. In my early 20’s spent a lot of time detached, obsessing over my “reputation”and trying to perfect my flaws. To be frank I had no goals, no direction and no confidence. Fast forward to 2014, I started reading A LOT of books. None of that fantasy fiction shit either. These were books about some of the most influential people of our time. I started journaling all my thoughts and ideas. I made a vision board. I was then introduced to ashtanga yoga and that’s when I noticed the change. There was a shift taking place in my life. I started to think of myself as this eternal being. I was paying more attention to my body and the things I put inside it. Even the things I filled my mind with. At this point I cancelled my cable and wasn’t on social media. I was becoming self aware. My diet and lifestyle changed drastically. It was like one day I woke up and unplugged myself from everything. Something in me was different. I had little to no friends at this point. I was alone with my own thoughts and feelings. At times I was sad and depressed. Lonely. But I realized this wasn’t a detox from social media anymore. I was literally detoxing from myself. I didn’t need other people or things to make me feel secure or important anymore. I no longer needed anyone or anything outside of myself. This independence I found is currently a blessing and a curse but for the first time I was learning to love from the inside out.
If you’ve made it this far through the post, I’m eternally thankful. I’m at this point where yes, I’ve leveled up for myself but I’m still not satisfied. I’m back on social media. I have this love/hate relationship with it. I’m trying to maintain a healthy balance of dignity and desire. I still feel the pressure to post but I need to be my authentic self. I feel pressure to post certain types of photos and content. I dislike the way it has this hold on me…and others.
Emotions have a vibratory frequency to them. Your peace is your responsibility. I analyze myself OFTEN. Im really critical of how and what I think. How I act and behave, even when it’s time I’m spending alone. Growth without self awareness is useless. You have to start being real honest with yourself about your fears and bad habits. Start learning where you need to grow. What have you been unwilling to feel? It takes actual work and intention to make a change and accomplish goals. LIFE CHANGING goals. Something in me burns like fire for knowledge and growth. I love seeing that fire burn in others.
I’m focused with clear intent. I know that once you post something on the Internet it has the potential to be there forever for anyone and everyone to see. You won’t always be aware of how you impact others. I want to be a voice of truth as I fully step into this new found woman. Im a beacon of vulnerability and power. We as humans have the ability to change, control and question our own thoughts. That saying “Your thoughts become reality” is extremely inspirational to me. We have endless power and potential thats untapped. I’m Inspired to inspire. This blog is me evolving. This is me sharing my thoughts and triumphs. This is therapy. This is manifesting.